🏅 New Olympic Game Proposals

Why are we always stuck with the same old Olympic games? There are so many great games from childhood that'd be fun to see pushed to the absolute limit of human capability.

🐸 Leapfrog

Real frogs would be jealous. Actually, no they wouldn't. This sounds painful. You'd end up with some pretty strong calves though, assuming they don't break at some point.

🔴 Twister

This would have a lot of tall, flexible people. It'd almost be a strange spin-off of sumu wrestling. Also it would probably never end, since everybody would know how to master every combination of dot positions, though there are probably 300 or more.

🦆 Duck Duck Goose

There'd be lots of stealthy players good at jumping up and lunging. Also everyone would all have shaved heads to heighten their sensitivity to cut down on some milliseconds if they get goosed. Everybody would have large glute muscles so they could sit down faster. You'd hear the announcer saying something like, "Oh Switzerland is halfway through their second walk cycle and still no goose! A risky move."

💺 Musical Chairs

When I first heard about the show Game of Thrones I thought it would be something like this. The most aggressive hip swayers in the world would gather. They'd have folks throwing the chairs up into the air and backflipping into them while upside down.

🎂 Patty Cake

This one might seem dumb compared to the others but give it a chance. Every rule of the patty cake song would be carefully disected and taken advantage of. Every competitor will have changed their name to something with a J, just so they can mark their cake a millisecond faster.

🐹 Giant Hamster Ball Races

I'm not entirely sure how much these cost in real life, or honestly really if it's a part of anyone's childhood (other than living through hamsters). Anyway, this one is mostly inspired by Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips. He's not racing anybody though. He's not getting INTENSE with it. The players would train with giant hamster wheels and eat nothing but giant sunflower seeds.

🙈 Hide and Seek

This would be played simultaneously with all the other games. You could watch people hide at the bottom of a pool, or maybe taped underneath a ping pong table. They're all wearing Go Pros and hide around the borders of whatever city is hosting. One thing though -- international hide and seek is already kind of a thing, generally known as war.

👍 Thumb Wrestling

Hitchhikers would be very good at this, so their venture to get to the stadium from their home country would be fun to watch.

🏊 Marco Polo

Blind people would be the best at this, thanks to their other perpetually enhanced senses. This would therefore make the Olympics more inclusive. Everybody wins.

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