💸 Money Making Ideas
They say ideas are a dime a dozen. Below are over 40 of them, worth a small handful of change.
🍞 Texas Toast Crunch
The world could use more savory cereals, plus after you're done you'll have garlic milk to drink. It'll be the world's first anti-Count Chocula cereal, and if you collect enough box tops, you can become a Cereal Vampire Slayer.
🥤 Paper Silly Straws
They fall apart from being too soggy before the drink even gets to your mouth, but at least you’re saving 0.001% of a whale.
🥃 Dr Jalapeño Pepper
This would be a new soda with 24 flavors instead of 23. Would it be any good? Anything is possible with the right marketing team.
🥟 Naan-ogon Bread
What do you call a type of flatbread neatly cut into a shape with 9 sides? A Naan-ogon! Will this forced pun be enough to sell 100,000 flatbreads per month? There’s only one way to find out!
🍅 Tomatoes Stuffed with Stuffed Crust Pizza
Tomatoes aren’t that great on their own, but what if they were filled with cheese and sausage? We could even make a vegan version with whatever they use for the fake stuff. We could even stuff diced tomatoes in the regular tomatoes, or even stuff them with potatoes. That rhyme will be part of the ad.
🍖 Impossible People
Some people are making artificial lab grown meat, but what if they made artificial human meat? If it's inaccurate, who's gonna call you out on it? You could send in your DNA and get a bunch of free burger babies, but they'd judge your meat quality though, so be aware of that. Nobody wants to get marked as a low quality human. They’d have to sell you at the cannibal Taco Bell where everybody regrets buying you. “Why did I have to order 5 Eugene Supremes?” someone would say.
🐠 Smug Goldfish Crackers
There could be goldfish that have pompous, sneering smiles that you can take your aggressions out on. They look so confident that nobody’s going to eat them, but you’ll show ‘em! After 100 of them you won’t feel like going on Twitter or wherever anymore. If only it were that simple.
🏀 Ball in a Cup VR Game
It's finally time for an update on the most popular one-player sport of the 14th century. Challenge yourself in over 22 different locations such as the Grand Canyon and the Oval Office. Hear your character mumble various swears and oddly specific critiques on the game engine every time you miss, eventually questioning why they're doing this at all.
🌵 Sonic the Hedge Game
There are too many games where you play as an animal and not enough where you play as a plant. This will be a game where Sonic the Hedgehog meets Desert Bus, traveling in a slow but calming adventure through a desert full of loop de loops.
🎈 Anvils and Balloons Board Game
It's time for a remix of the hit board game Chutes and Ladders. It's mostly the same thing except the art is different. I bet it'd do alright if we got some celebrity to sponsor it though.
🧕 Nun-chucks Game
In this game, two nuns are stuck to each other by some magical holy rope and have to do weird physics based puzzles to ricochet each other to hard-to-reach places. They’re kind of like ice climbers from Super Smash Bros., except they're nuns. How many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?
🦁 World of Oz Game
It’d be cool if the Wizard of Oz was an online game (World of Oz or Wizard of Warcraft or something). You can join guilds like Lollipop Guild or Flying Monkey Guild. Nobody would bother completing the main quest to Kansas. A lot of people would choose to play as a scarecrow since they’d be good against the zombies, since they have no brains.
🔫 Orio the Skunk Video Game
Back when I was 8 or so I had this video game idea of a skunk that could use his spray to jetpack places (as a double jump ability), and also you could spray enemies to kill them, because it’s not a regular spray, it’s some kind of sulfuric acid xenomorph-esque kind of spray. You’d collect apples and fight a guy made of poison ivy. I'm interested if maybe I should make a prototype or something of it but I'm not sure. It’d be kind of like Super Mario 64 or Banjo Kazooie. You face the evil Dr. Owlbadger – he was a combination of the skunk's 3 main predators: owls, badgers, and people. After you defeat his first form, he becomes what is essentially a chemically formed lava-acid hybrid god. You defeat it by whacking it a bunch of times with your fluffy skunk tail.
🐄 Cattle Battle Game
You control mobs of cows and try to fight off hungry farmers in tractors. Holy cow! Udder chaos! You can build your cow army and get advanced milk, cheese, and butter-based weaponry. Moo-ore details coming soon!
🍀 Cannabinoids Game
This is like Asteroids, but more green. No matter what it always tells you you got high score, since it just forgets the old score no matter what it was.
🏄 Surf Jousting
Here’s an idea for the Apocalypse Olympics (Apocolympics). Two surfers will ride into each other while carrying spear or swordfish. Whoever loses bleeds until they are eaten by sharks. The winner gets a free surfboard though, so it’s not all that bad.
Movie / Show Ideas
⚾ “Batman, Too!” Movie or Show
This is about a superhero who dresses up as a baseball bat. His backstory is that both of his parents were killed due to a flying baseball bat incident. He uses a lot of bad baseball puns and CATCH phrases that come out of left field. Batman 2 drives a car shaped like a baseball bat, and it’s very inefficient. He uses a baseball signal that’s shaped like a circle and could be anybody’s signal, or possibly the moon. However, he’s better than the original Batman at pretty much everything, which really pisses him off. He also always calls Batman "Batman 1" even though he hates it. "Sorry, Batman 1!" says Batman 2. "Don't call me Batman 1!" says Batman 1.
💃 Auntz Movie
A remake of Antz, but it's Auntz. All the scenes from Antz, remade with people's aunts. They all live in an Aunthill, and one aunt falls in love with another aunt and has to deal with the aunt general. In one scene, an aunt gets crushed by a shoe but lives. The main difference between this movie and Antz is that the aunts will wear pants. We have to keep it PG.
🛁 NSHRYNC Movie
It's a "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" spin-off, starring NSYNC. At one point they literally get stuck in a sink. That's all I have so far, but this will be good for NSYNC whenever they want to make a comeback.
🌱 Mementoke Movie
It’s like Memento except it's just about a guy who constantly smokes weed and refuses to stop because he has a good sticky note system.
🎥 "You Are In This Movie" Movie
This is a movie that's 2 hours of credits, but everyone on Earth with a name we can find will be credited, so people will watch it trying to pause at the exact frame their name goes by. The world population is about 8 billion – that's over 1 million people per second (at a size 2 font at 600 frames per second).
🐀 Rat Rugs Show
I had a spin-off idea for Rugrats called rat rugs. It's about a bunch of actual diseased rats that live under people's rugs waiting until nightfall, when they come out and kill people in their sleep. Any time you see an uneven spot in your carpet, it could be a rat rug. This spin-off doesn't really have anything to do with the original show, although Chucky might be in it.
Toy and Gag Gift Ideas
👵 Grandma Barbie and Grandpa Ken
Eliminating impossible body standards, these new versions of Barbie and Ken will be made out of the same material as Stretch Armstrong. You'll be fascinated by the wonders of their stretchy aging bodies. The only downside is that they'll probably die of "old age" after about only a week. Their arm will rip open and weird goop will come out, which is how most old people die these days.
🚶 Dad Pads
These are knee pads with dad jokes on them, for when your dad jokes are just too knee slappingly funny. The new adverb slappingly was created just for this description.
🎊 Whoopi Goldberg Machine
Has anyone ever made a Rube Goldberg machine that includes an action figure or two, plus a Whoopee cushion, because it seems like a thing that should exist.
Who deserves the awkaward for being the most awkward? You get it? It's the word “awkward” and “award” together. The award will be a trophy that looks vaguely sexual but nobody can quite describe how.
👓 Mirror Glasses
For a romantic gift, get your significant other some glasses with mirrors on the insides, so they can spend all day seeing just how beautiful their eyes really are.
👨 Sniffin’ Stick Scratcher
It's a back scratcher that's shaped like a nose with a mustache. The mustache could be Hitler-shaped or maybe Jamie-from-Mythbusters-shaped.
🦏 Hangry Hangry Hippos
They're hungry, and they're angry! It's the same as regular Hungry Hungry Hippos, except I’ll draw unibrows on all the hippos’ heads. Also, they all have to fight over one ball.
🌳 Between Two Bushes Book
I was thinking about writing a biography for Bill Clinton to boost his popularity back up, since I thought it'd be a good time to do that.
🚽 Bullshit Toilet Paper (BSTP)
This will be toilet paper with bullshit written on every square, e.g., "Lemmings are suicidal.” That's bullshit! Lemmings love themselves. It’ll also say things like “Twinkies last forever.” which they don’t. At least two people have told me this. It could also say more controversial things like "Trickle down economics!" which is gross and I’m sorry I thought of it at all. Since each roll will have 300 or so unique prints, it'll be expensive, say $30 a roll. Now you might be thinking that price is bullshit. Well, yeah.
App / Tech Ideas
😐 Sound of Silence Chat
There could be a chat service where everyone's reaction defaults to the :| face so they have to make a real reaction to change it. Everyone will be slightly more motivated to respond, at least until they get used to it and stop caring again.
⛅ Better Weather App
The weather is shown in fun new ways. Thunderstorm? That's Zeus playing drums. Tornado? We'll give you a Sudden House Relocation Warning. Whenever it's drizzling, we'll say it's raining kittens and puppies.
📺 Dumb Remotes
Universal remote controls that say "Dumb" instead of "Mute". Remember when being dumb meant you couldn’t talk? Those were the days.
🐢 Turtle TVs
We need to make tiny TVs to put in turtle shells so they have something to do while they're hiding. They can watch shows about ninjas, Franklin, or even that one movie with Dana Carvey.
👩🔬 Bullshit Buzzwords Translator App
This is an app that parses the text on your screen for keywords and phrases and converts them to a list of selected translations. There are default sets of translations, like how "scientists prove" translates to "fake science clickbait".
📕 Air Conditioner / Heater App
For hot summers, I’m thinking of making an air conditioner app that tells you ghost stories to give you the chills. For cold winters, I want to make a heater app that tells you erotica.
🙆 Macarena and Cheese Song and Dance
Finally, the sequel to the Macarena everyone’s been waiting for! It’s twice as long as the regular Macarena, and also twice as annoying! There will most likely be a part where everyone mimics cheese falling down, plus the Charlie Brown thing from that other song.
🕺 Shyamalan Twist Song and Dance Parody
Since both M. Night Shyamalan and the Twist are both at the peak of their popularity, this idea is obvious. First you find someone you fancy, then you twist yourself so hard that you dislocate your spine. You'll scream in pain and ruin the mood for everyone. "Why did you do that?!" they'll yell. "We were all having fun, then you did this thing and everyone hated it!" It won't make you look good, but hopefully others can use the trauma to get closer to one another.
😻 Pet Rock Music
There could be a new subgenre of rock made for pets. It's mainly parodies of songs where the word "you" is changed to "food", e.g., “I Will Always Love Food” and “Wish Food Were Here”. The theme song for the pet version of FRIENDS will say "I'll be there for food! When the bag starts to pour!"
Misc. Business / Charity Ideas
🦒 Tall People Business
I want to get a bunch of really tall people to huddle around slightly less tall people to make them feel temporarily short and adorable. They'd make lots of tall statements like "I don't like planes" and stuff like that.
🌟 Darth Mall
I had an idea for a Star Wars themed gift shop with lots of dumb puns and rhymes. We’d sell Yoda Sodas. Lime flavored they are!
🙀 Cat Funerals 1-8
More people should have funerals for the first 8 lives of their cats. "We are gathered here today to honor Ziggy's 3rd life, where he tried to bite an electrical outlet and nobody was really sure why. A wire would have made sense, but he went straight for the outlet. Perhaps Ziggy the 3rd held a secret hatred of rectangles. We can only hope that Ziggy the 4th doesn't feel the same."
👻 Second Hand Souls
Have you ever mistakenly sold your soul to the devil, and now you want your soul back? Well fear not! Come on down to second hand souls, where we’ll have all sorts of souls that you can purchase! Dark souls, light souls, 50 shades of souls, and more! Bird souls, bee souls, or seven ‘possum souls for a dollar. You can get a whole 2 scoops of spider souls for just a nickel, but penguin souls will pretty much always be out of stock. Ginger souls are not for sale. They’re ours forever.
🚶 Marathon for the Common Cold
I'm doing a marathon for the common cold. It takes place every day. It's about a half a mile long. It’s walking, mostly. The route is to Safeway and back. It's just me right now, but you can join if you want. It starts whenever I wake up. I'm thinking about just putting up fliers everywhere. It’d just be a picture of me walking by each place that each flier is at. People will see it and mentally say, “Hey! I have a cold. I'm walking by this place! I can relate to this guy's cause!” And maybe they'll join me.
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